just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
