you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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