Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
