____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
