I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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