my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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