We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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