I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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