dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
