i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
