I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
