Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
