Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
