Kiss
Puke
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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