The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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