Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
