you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
