She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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