i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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