I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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