I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
