I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
