part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
