she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
