It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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