At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
