I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
