Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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