my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
