So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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