Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
