I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
