Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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