Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
