butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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