Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
