We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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