i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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