1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I touched a dick in church today
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