the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
