So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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