Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
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