McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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