i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
