i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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