where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
