She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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