I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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