I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
