I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
