My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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