Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
