just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
