i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
