I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
