Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
