i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
