All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
