So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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