just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
