I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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