i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Let's get the cat blown out
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
