please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
