just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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