There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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