Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
