Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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