also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
