The brown eye won't let me do that either.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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