I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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