Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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