Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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