Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i want to fuck
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it's pretty self explanatory
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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