once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize