I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
