I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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